I lost, however…

I lost many things.

The one thing I lost that I most wanted to get back is – my health.

I did not lose to lupus. In fact, I am still fighting it for 12 long years (and counting, I hope). But, I lost many things because of it.

I cannot go out in the sun without a reprieve from my burned skin, painful eyes and aching joints that never seem to stop hounding me – cold or otherwise. I lost physical strength in many ways I cannot explain.

I lost, however I also gained many things.

Lupus allowed me to lead a laid-back but learning filled life. It allowed me to live each day as if it was my last. It never stopped me from imagining, from exploring life as it is in my own way, from observing people, from learning, from loving, from feeling…

Yes, physical strength – that’s what I lost. And, I wanted to get it back so I can be more carefree. But, if it entails losing what I have gained – I’d rather stay at home and wait for somebody to give me a hug (LOL) than be out there and live life like there is always tomorrow.

No, for someone like me – there is no such thing as certain tomorrow (like the rest of the general population – if you ask me). It is constant hoping and praying and believing in miracles – no matter how small it may be.

A hug, a kiss, a text, a message – those are my little miracles. Simple – yet true.

And oh yes, I am not asking for a miracle cure – believe me – I am content with what I am currently feeling. I don’t even ask for anyone’s mercy. I am still lucky than 30% of the total population who are actually bedridden and twitching in unbearable pain.

I am still blessed.


2 thoughts on “I lost, however…

  1. It is heartening to hear of someone that has lived with their Lupus for 12 years. I myself was only diagnosed last year. Already I’ve stopped telling my family when I hurt or have problems, because they kept looking at me like I was hypochondriac… But like you, I’ve begun to take the more laid back approach to life. Meditation and refusing to let others get me worked up… it just hurts to much. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

    1. Thank you so much for taking time reading my blabbering. 🙂 it is really great to meet people in the cyber world who can connect with you despite not really “meeting”. Who said we can’t live and fight lupus at the same time? 🙂 let’s be happy, shall we?

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