On Conflict, Friendships and Staying Cool in the Head

IMG0025A_FotorCriticisms will always be part of life. Without it, one cannot learn.

For me, learning by doing is an absolute necessary. It is better than making excuses or justifying the mistake that has been done.

How can you handle criticisms effectively, preserve your friendship and just stay cool throughout the process?

If you can’t reason out, walk away. It is better to just cool of your head than saying anything you might regret later on. If I cannot literally walk away, I go inside the room, lock myself up and shut up.

I believe in voicing out my feeling or opinion in the way that I don’t find a bit offensive but if the recipient of that feeling doesn’t feel perceptive about my own opinion and would rather go “clash of the titans” I usually do the backing off and shrug off the entire situation as “Okay, your opinion – you’re entitled to it” thing.

Other times (when the sun is not glaring and my joints are not screaming), I literally go out – drive my motorcycle and just go with the flow so I can cool my head off or perhaps let the other person cool down a bit.

Talk to a person you trust the most. Talk about anything humorous – be nostalgic even. It doesn’t matter just as long as it takes your mind off the pressing need to vent out. However, if you can trust that person, you may open up what made you upset. What kind of confrontation you had to endure.

I usually don’t ask for opinion. I just wanted to vent out – to let the words out. And, if this does not help I proceed to the next step.

Vent through writing. I am not really an English major or a journalism graduate for that matter. No matter what language you use (it doesn’t even matter if you follow good grammar) just as long as you can vent out through words – it’ll help.

Believe me. Just let your pen and paper or your fingers do the talking. Don’t think! Just go with the flow. Let all the feelings out. I do this often because it’s the only thing feasible for me to do – especially with the pain I am feeling.

If you are not good with words, it doesn’t matter – nobody’s going to read what you wrote except yourself anyway. Unless, you wanted to publish it and let everybody read it.

Confront what you fear and be confident of the answer. If the conflict is with someone you love, trust that this someone will understand you when you try to reason out. If this person does not, swallow what pride you have left and confront the fear that you might lose the “bond” or that the bond will be tainted – never to be whole again.

If this person is extremely important to you, let go of that pride and be confident that you can patch things up. However, be very careful if you do this last option. This is usually the instant you’ll get yourself “used and abused.” I don’t mean it the “bad way” though – just don’t be too nice or you’ll get the creeps.

Read inspiring books, blogs, magazines, newspapers – just read! Well, I know not everyone loves reading but for people like me – reading even though the attention span is limited and even though the focus is not there, it helps to get off the feeling of breaking solids. Yes, I get that sometimes. When I am angry because of a conflicting emotion or thought, I just want to break whatever I can get in my hands. Worse is, I want to throw everything up. Obviously, I don’t or I’d get too many things to mend.

Sometimes, a punching bag helps too – LOL, kidding. But, reading takes my mind off the matter. It doesn’t matter whether I understand what I read.

The bottom line is – I strive not to dwell on the pressing conflict. Before you can decide which the best way to go is, you need to clear your head first.

A clear head thinks straight – that’s what I believe. You need to know your options and the only way to look at the options clearly is when your head is able to think not in anger but with logic.

I’m not really sure if you’re able to pick something useful out of this post. But, assuming that you did – I hope you’d take it in a positive way.

‘Till next post!


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