It doesn’t Get Better

struggling-med-studentAs a med student, I realized that the system is teaching me not only knowledge and skills but also discipline. But above all endurance to face anything.

Med school is a battle of will-power, the survival of the fittest, a war between authority and independence, being mindful of the hierarchy, every odd rolled into one. I can’t complain – after all, I chose this for myself.

And believe me, it doesn’t get better.

Just as soon as you think things are already better, it doesn’t – a total scam.

But you still choose to struggle afloat despite drowning so many times because you know that even if things will get worse – the feeling of being able to survive all and the hope of seeing patients get well under your care is still better.

My advice? Hang in there. Stay afloat.

Sounds easy but I find it even hard to follow – an irony I guess, a very contradicting thought.

In my head, the words like –

“No, enough is enough.”

“I’m done.”

“Is this even worth agonizing for?”

“Am I really meant to travel this path?”

“Will this really bring me any good?”

…these words kept crossing my mind. And trust me when I say, I got tempted many times. You don’t know how many times I enter my room with the feeling so heavy and the worst part of it all is that inside your room – you’re alone. This is usually the time I bring down all barriers I have set around myself, which I try so hard to keep up the entire day. And, these are times – countless even – I break down and cry like a wounded child especially considering med school is not just all I think about. I have other extra-medicine things to think about too, namely – my health, my family.

It gets worse every day and a very special friend of mine said, “You just need a vacation.” Yeah, I do but do I really get the time? Do I really have the luxury of time to be selfish and to think about myself once in a while? Do I even deserve it?

The answer is – yes, I do.

No, it doesn’t really get better. It will get worse. I will feel all down, lonely and alone throughout the journey. I will feel tired, extremely exhausted but hey – if things will not get better I can make myself BETTER.

I can be BETTER at –

• Handling stress
• Managing time
• Socializing without feeling guilty
• Etc.

It will never get better. When you’re done with one milestone – you will be faced with another challenging milestone much worse than the previous and the incremental effect continues as you move along. But once you become a doctor and you see the looks of your patients smiling at you and saying thank you for a job you’re supposed to be responsible to, it’s priceless – timeless even.

So, hang in there. Hold on to that one flicker of hope. Always realize that if you can’t change things, perhaps it tells you to change your perspective and how you look at things. Only then, you and med school becomes ‘n sync with each other. Med school is an infinite fountain of love story and I just revealed mine. 

Good luck to me and to all the third years in my class!

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