To my present and future patients, I humbly offer you my prayers, my time and my service in the sincere hope that you get better under my care. This is true not only for consultants but most especially for us Senior Clerks, Post-Graduate Interns (PGI) and Resident Doctors who are front-liners in the battlefield called ER and ward. Continue reading →
I see bleakness. I recognize my feeling as something far off – beyond the reach of logic. I wake up every day – smile at people who smile at me – ignore the ones who don’t, take a bath, eat, brush my teeth, go out if I have to, go home, check emails, check messages, travel to a predefined destination, text someone if necessary, call someone if necessary, read some stories, play games, lie in bed and then this is usually the moment everything falls apart.
Every day feels like I am on autopilot – like someone has been functioning for my sake because my sanity just couldn’t handle my realities.
Countless hearts trapped in endless agony
Mine – battered, broken, stitched back up
Lips, sealed; can’t quite keep up
I sit and stare for too long
Despair eating me whole
Nothing is fair; nothing is just
rarely wanting the same thing – the mind and heart
But, I do
They are in complete harmony
Wanting something they can never have
Such as calling your world as mine
For in your world, I don’t exist
Your smile quite captivating but can’t resist
Perhaps, as troubling as it may be,
I exist only as a friend
even when for me,
it’s just play pretend
Still I chose you,
I’ll choose you
You don’t know how much I want to freeze time
You don’t know how I ache to learn that
“to love is to gain”
and not “to love is to be broken.”
I won’t ask why
for I know nothing but to believe
that there’s a choice you’ve already made.
You are this.
You spend even a minute of your time for me and I find it very sweet.
We’re best friends – the not so typical guy and girl best friends. You’ve seen me at my worst and you’ve yet to see my best.
You send me text messages even at midnight just to make sure I am studying and not just lazily sleeping.
We are this.
And it is not even in a romantic way. No – I refuse to give meaning to it.
Because, we are this.
A lot may be asking that the people should give respect to human rights – rights to life and etc. etc. And yes, I respect the rights of people to life myself since I don’t really kill people or throw the first stones at them – criminals – or pass judgment on them.
But, theoretically, since when did these criminals ever respected the same?
Since when did these criminals ever thought about: “Hey before I kill/rape you, is there anything you know or do that might prevent us from killing/raping you – any witnesses on your behalf – whatever?
“Hey wait, before I steal the money from the taxes of people, did the people in remote areas have food, shelter, clothing or medicines at their disposal?”
People I know would say that I am not updated with the current events or whatever that’s happening in the world. Well, why should I worry about everything when I already have enough worries in my plate? I’d rather work for my future and that of my family’s. I’d rather study so I won’t fear failing and I’d rather do what I can now with whatever I can for the people I deal with and meet on a daily basis than get caught up in the wildfire that has been consuming people from all sides?
Right to life, you say?
Then, when will you realize that peace and prosperity starts with ourselves and not with whatever government we elect? When will you realize that politics and religion will never mix like water and oil?
Give Caesar what is due to Caesar and give John what is due to John – or so I believed this is how it goes (I am neither an expert of politics nor an expert in religion – but I’m just too tired to care).
What I can do now VERSUS what I can do in the future.
I’ll say I’ll do the best of what I can now and let the future worry itself.
Right to life – means IMHO – a state where you’re not afraid of any punishment because you’ve been good and law abiding.
Everyone dies eventually, after all.
My life is like pieces of a puzzle and I am tired. I am sick and tired of trying to get the pieces so I get the whole picture. I am tired of trying to read between the lines; of the unknown; of the uncertainty…
I just come to the point where I want to know at least some facts and operate from there. I do not want to read actions. I am tired of all the assumptions.
For me, if something is unknown – I’d rather wait until I know it for a fact. Until then, I would not give anything any meaning or else my mind would go haywire.
If someone wants me to know something, they have to say it. Otherwise, he/she should not expect any reaction from me. It is not being dense I guess but just being realistic. I am now on a point where I like to operate based on facts and not some kind of “fate, unknown, destiny, abstract thinking”. Seriously, I already think too much in med school. I’d rather not think too much on things that are circumstantial.