It doesn’t Get Better

struggling-med-studentAs a med student, I realized that the system is teaching me not only knowledge and skills but also discipline. But above all endurance to face anything.

Med school is a battle of will-power, the survival of the fittest, a war between authority and independence, being mindful of the hierarchy, every odd rolled into one. I can’t complain – after all, I chose this for myself.

And believe me, it doesn’t get better. Continue reading →

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A Doctor’s POV

healthTo my present and future patients, I humbly offer you my prayers, my time and my service in the sincere hope that you get better under my care. This is true not only for consultants but most especially for us Senior Clerks, Post-Graduate Interns (PGI) and Resident Doctors who are front-liners in the battlefield called ER and ward. Continue reading →

The Monotony of Gray

grayI see bleakness. I recognize my feeling as something far off – beyond the reach of logic. I wake up every day – smile at people who smile at me – ignore the ones who don’t, take a bath, eat, brush my teeth, go out if I have to, go home, check emails, check messages, travel to a predefined destination, text someone if necessary, call someone if necessary, read some stories, play games, lie in bed and then this is usually the moment everything falls apart.

Every day feels like I am on autopilot – like someone has been functioning for my sake because my sanity just couldn’t handle my realities.

Continue reading →

Bleeding Red

Everybody bleeds
Countless hearts trapped in endless agony
Mine – battered, broken, stitched back up
Lips, sealed; can’t quite keep up

I sit and stare for too long
Despair eating me whole
Nothing is fair; nothing is just
rarely wanting the same thing – the mind and heart

But, I do

They are in complete harmony
Wanting something they can never have
Such as calling your world as mine
For in your world, I don’t exist
Your smile quite captivating but can’t resist

Perhaps, as troubling as it may be,
I exist only as a friend
even when for me,
it’s just play pretend

Still I chose you,
I’ll choose you
This time.

You don’t know how much I want to freeze time
You don’t know how I ache to learn that
“to love is to gain”
and not “to love is to be broken.”

I won’t ask why
for I know nothing but to believe
that there’s a choice you’ve already made.

Sweet Life, Sweet Friends

image

You are this.

You spend even a minute of your time for me and I find it very sweet.

We’re best friends – the not so typical guy and girl best friends. You’ve seen me at my worst and you’ve yet to see my best.

You send me text messages even at midnight just to make sure I am studying and not just lazily sleeping.

We are this.

And it is not even in a romantic way. No – I refuse to give meaning to it.

Because, we are this.

Service Does Not Count Time

It has been 2 weeks ~ of waking up early just to get to the hospital on time, of no hearty breakfast because of the early endorsement that leaves us eating faster so we can carry out thereafter and of perpetual lack of sleep.

Service does not count time. You don’t count the time you have to be in the hospital if it is service that you wanted to extend. You don’t count the time you give or sacrifice if it is service that’s on your mind.

Yes, I admit I get tired and sleepy. 😴 I admit sometimes I feel mad because sleep has now become a rare gem. But that does not mean I am complaining and regretting all the time I have sacrificed in order to be here.

The feeling is satisfying and fulfilling. It made me feel like I have accomplished something worthwhile. I wouldn’t trade any of this for anything.

If I have to go back and do it all over again, I would. 😋

Heavenly Sleep

After a night duty in the ER of a very busy hospital, I was knocked down for sleep. 😴 I did not bother to even wake up for meals. The only break I did from sleep is when my bladder becomes distended and it sends signal to my brain to wake me up. Otherwise, I would look like a comatose patient. 😂

Anywho, I have not updated ever since med school begun. I have not published anything in years I think, if I’m not mistaken. I just like to point out the importance of sleep. ☺

1. Serves as a reset to your tired mind and body.

2. Serves as a temporary escape from reality.

3. Serves as a heaven of peace when the world is so caught up in a mess.

Well, I could think of several things to say that will emphasize the importance of sleep. Sadly, during medical clerkship, this is one of the things we sacrifice in order to be of service to people who are otherwise incapable of accessing tertiary level of health care in their own places. 😔

But I do think I deserve yesterday and last night. I do think I deserve such heavenly sleep after being deprived for so long. I think all doctors deserve any form of sleep without being reprimanded.

Doctors are not robots. We’re human, we get tired too. 😄