The Journey that Ended and Began…at the same time.

This post will be extremely personal.

This is a story of a girl who started med school back in 2014. She suffered a lot, endured a lot, shattered a lot and yet she emerged as cool as she can be in her own way – better, wiser, stronger and beautifully scarred.

However, this is not just any story of a girl. This is the story of what she went through and she will recount everything – in as much as her memory can remember – all the times that a legion of angels has come to help her.

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Doctors: Are we prolonging life? Or are we prolonging death?

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary;

Life: n. an organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction

Death: n. a permanent cessation of all vital functions: the end of life

In a book called “Being Mortal”, author Atul Gawande said that “spending one’s final days in an ICU because of terminal illness is for most people a kind of failure.” In another survey done in 2013 by researchers at an academic medical center, it showed that 11% of their patients received treatments and aggressive management that are deemed futile.

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Service Does Not Count Time

It has been 2 weeks ~ of waking up early just to get to the hospital on time, of no hearty breakfast because of the early endorsement that leaves us eating faster so we can carry out thereafter and of perpetual lack of sleep.

Service does not count time. You don’t count the time you have to be in the hospital if it is service that you wanted to extend. You don’t count the time you give or sacrifice if it is service that’s on your mind.

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Heavenly Sleep

After a night duty in the ER of a very busy hospital, I was knocked down for sleep. 😴 I did not bother to even wake up for meals. The only break I did from sleep is when my bladder becomes distended and it sends signal to my brain to wake me up. Otherwise, I would look like a comatose patient. 😂

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It doesn’t Get Better

struggling-med-studentAs a med student, I realized that the system is teaching me not only knowledge and skills but also discipline. But above all endurance to face anything.

Med school is a battle of will-power, the survival of the fittest, a war between authority and independence, being mindful of the hierarchy, every odd rolled into one. I can’t complain – after all, I chose this for myself.

And believe me, it doesn’t get better. Continue reading →

A Doctor’s POV

healthTo my present and future patients, I humbly offer you my prayers, my time and my service in the sincere hope that you get better under my care. This is true not only for consultants but most especially for us Senior Clerks, Post-Graduate Interns (PGI) and Resident Doctors who are front-liners in the battlefield called ER and ward. Continue reading →

The Monotony of Gray

grayI see bleakness. I recognize my feeling as something far off – beyond the reach of logic. I wake up every day – smile at people who smile at me – ignore the ones who don’t, take a bath, eat, brush my teeth, go out if I have to, go home, check emails, check messages, travel to a predefined destination, text someone if necessary, call someone if necessary, read some stories, play games, lie in bed and then this is usually the moment everything falls apart.

Every day feels like I am on autopilot – like someone has been functioning for my sake because my sanity just couldn’t handle my realities.

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Sweet Life, Sweet Friends


You are this.

You spend even a minute of your time for me and I find it very sweet.

We’re best friends – the not so typical guy and girl best friends. You’ve seen me at my worst and you’ve yet to see my best.

You send me text messages even at midnight just to make sure I am studying and not just lazily sleeping.

We are this.

And it is not even in a romantic way. No – I refuse to give meaning to it.

Because, we are this.

Nobody Will Ever Understand

As an SLE patient, it’s safe to say that nobody will ever understand how I feel. The physical toll of the disease. The emotional toll of trying to pretend everything’s going to be okay. The spiritual battle of believing there is a higher purpose to my suffering. The only encouragement that never fails to remind me is the knowledge that my suffering is nothing compared to how Jesus suffered and died on the cross for you and for me.

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